The Secret to Repairing a Relationship
With some work, you can save your relationship
When you have relationship problems you’re going to want to seek solutions.
In seeking these solutions, the one thing that you’ll often hear is that repairing a relationship is hard.
And you know what? It is!
However, if you catch the problems early and are willing to work through them with your partner then it relly does not need to be so hard.
When you see relationship problems, here’s what you need to do:
- Identify the root cause of the problem
- While this may seem obvious and simple, it’s not.
- While your arguments may be about money, the kids or the amount of time you spend together. The root cause of the problem may be different.
- His arguments about money may really be about his loss of control.
- Your arguments about spending time together may really be your feeling unappreciated.
- The arguments about the kids may be you feeling overwhelmed at work.
You see, if you only focus on solving the problem with the money, then this problem will arise again and again.
It’s better to dig deep and determine the root cause of the problem so that you and your partner can work on that issue.
Pick your battles
While there are some problems which need to be addressed immediately, some just need ot be let go.
When you find the root cause of your problems you need to ask yourself, “Is this something I have control over.”
You can’t change your partner.
You may get him to make adjustments in his life to please you. However over time he’ll become resentful and things will start going downhill again.
If you need for him to change to solve the problem, then you need to let it go. This is especially true if the problem is that he won’t do something you want him to do.
Now, that’s not to say to give up completely. You may be able to come to a compromise on some issues. However, you need to be willing and able to let go or move on, if he decides he doesn’t want to change.
Pick the Right Time
- Now that you’ve decided what you need to work on, you need to decide when to talk about it.
- Don’t barge into the living room in the middle of the football game to announce that you need to have “a talk.” Don’t wait until he’s tired after a long day at work or ready to head out the door.
Pick a time when both of you are relaxed and able to be present emotionally and mentally for your converasation.
Make sure you’re not stressed or showing negativity. This is why you need to do this in the early stages of your problem. If you wait too long then the negative emotions will be triggered by just being in the room together.
And don’t spring it on him, thinking by now he should know there’s a problem.
Don’t assume that he knows what the problem is.
Just asking him if he has a few minutes to talk is the best way to get the discussion started.
Control Your Emotions
Men are sometimes a little too quick to say women are too emotional. And sometimes we are.
For some men, a woman’s emotional response either triggers him to shut down and avoid or give in. You don’t want either of those if your goal is to have a long-term relationship.
Sometimes being in a relationship requires you to develop a thick skin, especially in the beginning. This is not the time to get defensive or upset about things he may say.
You need to be open to his point of view. It may or may not differ from yours. It may be something you think makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. However, it’s the way he feels.
Part of developing a relationship that lasts, is accepting your partner “as is.”
If you find that he is verbally or emotionally abusive during this conversation, then you need to ask yourself if he’s the man you want to be with. If he refuses to acknowledge any problem or accept any respeonsibility for the issues, you need to ask if he’s the one for you.
But through it all you need to keep your cool. Now, that does not just mean that you don’t get into heated arguments. This also means that you need to control your body language and facial expressions.
Nonverbal communication makes up 80% of what a person “hears” during your conversation. Make sure your body language is saying that you know there’s a problem that both of you made and both of you can fix and that you want this relationship to work out.
Let him know you’re ready to really listen to what he has to say.
Accept That You’re Part of the Problem
When there is a problem some people are quick to assign blame.
Some automatically blame their partner, especially if the problem is about something he did.
- Well, guess what.
- It’s not all his fault.
Some of the blame lies with you.
- You need to accept that you had some part in building up this relationship problem. Even if all you did was do nothing.
- You need to remember this when you talk to your partner.
- You can’t focus on what happened in the past. Whether it was last year, last month or yesterday.
Your focus needs to be on what you and he needs to do right now to repair your relationship. You need to talk about how you can solve your relationship problems so that you can both life a better life together.
Accepting your part in the problem will allow your partner to believe that you really want to understand his viewpoint. It helps to eliminate the blame game, at least it does if he also admits his part in the problem. It’s a way for both of you to show that you are open to a real discussion about the problems, without going into blaming and defending.
When you are both accepting of your responsibilities to make things work you’re be better able to come to an agreement about how to fix your problems and move on with your life together.
These steps can help you work through many common relationship problems if they’re caught early enough. These are just the basics.
In order to learn more about how you can have the relationship you want, watch this video put together by relationship expert Randy Bennett. Click here to watch the video.
In it he shows you how to become irresistible to your man, even if he’s become cold and distant. Watch the video and start turning your relationship around.